When You Feel Like Giving Up

Recently a colleague of mine lamented about a part of his vision that was not unfolding as he was envisioning it. It seemed there were constant inhibitors to his progress and forward movement. As often happens to many of us in life, there came a point for him where he felt like giving up.

“What’s the use?” he would cry out.

Well, I couldn’t answer his question about what the use is. I don’t know what the use might be of constantly trying and having nothing work out to move you forward, and in fact having things happen that continue to set you back. There is no “use” for that. One could argue that it builds character and perseverance and other good things.

But when we’re the one in the middle of it, those only sound like flippant platitudes leaving us with the unspoken response of “you have no idea what it’s like.” That might be true, but also there is the real possibility that someone else has experienced or is experiencing the same thing. So, albeit there may be no “use” for the circumstance, there might be use in the speaking out your truth about it – as ugly as it may seem, as there might be some shared experience in your midst, and who knows, you may or may not come up with a new outlook or new response out of the sharing. If nothing else, you might just know you’re not alone. Your misery has company.

But I did offer the following piece of advice, which aligns with the overall philosophy of the Quantum Vision...

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Why We Can’t

I often find myself in situations where I’m being told we can’t do this or that, followed by the reasons why we can’t. As a show director and contractor I am often brought in on a project basis and of course come in with my thoughts and ideas. I love when I am met with enthusiasm and collaborative energy, but sometimes the energy is quite the opposite. I actually don’t mind the push back energy – I understand there are parameters and limits to resources and ideas that are sometimes just way too big or ambitious. But I always push to go beyond the “Why we can’t” energy. In fact, I’ll often refer to it specifically: “Okay, I understand why we can’t – now I want to spend some time considering how we can.”

The “why we can’t” response is almost automatic in many groups and relationships. In fact, I find myself doing it, especially in my relationship with my children. They often have ideas for something they’d like to do and I find myself quickly listing the reasons why we can’t. I have begun to train myself to catch that energy and turn it around. My first question to myself is “Wait a minute – why can’t we?” This immediately transforms the energy of the moment from looking at it as an impossibility, to opening up the well of possibilities. Now that this pathway is opened up, I can go to “let’s see – how can we…?”

Now I’m in a completely different place, and surrounded by a completely different energy – the positive energy of possibilities as opposed to the negative energy of frustration and disappointment, listing and relisting the reasons we can’t.

When I’ve been in these situations I am careful not to cut-off the initial spout of why we can’t. If I do, the situation will become adversarial and confrontational and will actually escalate the negative energy I’m trying to avoid. So I let it go on and make sure I keep my cool and keep my composure or once again, that will add additional negative energy into the mix. After a time, I then make a simple request: “Okay, I see why we can’t. What if we spend no more energy on that, and spend some time considering a hypothetical – Let’s just say we could, by some miracle. If that were true, how might we do that?”

I many times will have to withstand another round of why we can’t, but it will undoubtedly be shorter. Then, I keep quiet for several moments. Suddenly, as if magically, an idea might pop up from somewhere in the room, and then another... Or maybe there is a follow-up idea to something offered previously.

Best of all though is when I leave the night or meeting feeling like there is no hope – the pushback intensity is too great – but I’ve still made my pitch – “just spend some time considering, ‘how can we?’” The next day I’ll get a call or text message with a solution or functional workaround the gets us where we wanted to be.

The steps and encouragements to transform the energy from “Why we can’t – to – How we can” are quite simple.

Let the “why we can’t” flow – it’s important to get this energy out, so that it can be released and not hinder the energy we want to get to. If the energy is held in or squelched – it will impede forward movement. This is a means to let it go.

Limit the amount of time and energy given to why we can’t. Once expressed, it is done and doesn’t need or deserve any more energy.

Switch energy as soon as possible to “How can we?” Consider a universe or environment where it is true, or, it can happen. Then look at ways to get there. If nothing else find possibilities that can at least be explored and something previously unseen or not thought of yet can present itself. This can only happen if we are in the realm of seeking possibilities and seeing beyond the inhibitors.

Enjoy the new possibilities that unfold before you or the solutions that seem to magically present themselves.

I encourage you to try this in all your relationships – your work relationships, your family and significant other relationships, and most importantly, in your relationship with yourself. Are you stopped, stuck or stagnant in the pursuit of your vision, goals, or dreams? Does there seem to be an unending list of reasons you can’t or obstacles standing in your way? Do you find yourself wallowing in the negative energies of self-pity, self-doubt, or self-judgment? Why not tell yourself “okay, I’ve spent enough time on that for now. Let me transform that energy and try a new approach?” Maybe even give yourself a time frame. Say a full 24-48 hours of concentrating, meditating and imagining “how you can.” 

Whatever the hurdle is your stuck on and looking to overcome, I am confident something will come to you that is a solution, or at least a spark to a new idea or approach. Many times, just by converting your energies to a more positive vibration, answers and possibilities will find their way to you, often presented in forms or by individuals you had never even thought of or considered.

So change “Why We Can’t” to “How We Can!” in your life starting immediately.

Everything in Moderation - EVERYTHING!

“Chrissy, why you sleep so late?”

These are the words my friend heard every morning from the cabin steward on the cruise ship. Is my friend lazy?

Sometimes I can’t get my son to get out of bed. He actually wants to stay in bed much of the day (not even sleeping). Is my son lazy?

The answer I have decided is No – and Yes. And I have decided that it is okay – or can be okay. I guess the real question is – how long will this go on? Is this an everyday behavior or is this a today behavior. Another important question might be – is there anything that you must be doing today, but you are choosing to do this instead? Notice I didn’t say “could be doing” today, and I didn’t even say “should be doing” today. If there is nothing immediately due or truly compelling to be done at this moment I say – why not stay in bed all day or sleep so late?

Here’s one of the platitudes I incorporate in my life, which may sound very familiar to you, except for the new ending: Everything in moderation – including moderation.

If you’re truly living the life of EVERYTHING in moderation, you must put moderation in your moderation mix as well.

Impossible is NOT a Word eBook Now Available

It's finally here. The eBook version(s) of "Impossible is NOT a Word" is now available on both Amazon.com (for Kindle and .mobi) as well as through the iTunes store (for iPad, iPhone, iBooks).

Overcoming Analysis Paralysis

Talking with a friend the other day, we got on the topic of being overwhelmed with "stuff" and how it can inhibit moving forward. Analysis paralysis refers to the dynamic of considering what needs to be done to move forward and suddenly finding you've generated a list as long as Benjamin Franklin's kite string. Of course, there is a metal key attached and lightning hits, and you are shocked into a state of paralysis. There's so much to do that you find you can't do anything to move forward - you're "stuck" in a state of overwhelm, not knowing what to do first, or how on earth you'd ever get it all done.

To help you get past this moment, allow me to quote Kris Kringle in Santa Claus is coming to town, speaking to the Winter Warlock - "put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking out the door..."
Consider the physical or physiological state of paralysis. Someone suffering from paralysis generally doesn't one day just get up and walk. Recovery usually starts with the discovery and realization that there is noticeable feeling somewhere. "I can feel my toe!" From there, there is the attempt and eventual success of moving that toe. Once that milestone is achieved, full recovery is more possible and more likely, and certainly encouragement and motivation are heightened.
Take that same approach as you coach and heal yourself from your paralyzed state. When you look at and consider your heavy and long list, there is undoubtedly something, maybe something that seems insignificant, that you could do. My mantra is: "something you can do today, immediately, without delay." When such an opportunity is identified, you've recognized feeling in your toe. Now you can move that toe (do that thing) and you will be on your way to recovery. Once that task or to-do is complete, you can identify the next thing, or another thing. Better yet, having completed that first task, other connected tasks will now be easier to do and complete. Like dominos all lined up, you'll see the next one fall, and the next one - "and soon, you'll be walking out that do-o-oor!"
Finally, the same electricity that originally shocked you can now work to your benefit as you are able to harness its power to help you surge forward in your efforts. Your newfound positive attitude will be electrified and you will immediately be on the road to success from its power.

3 Keys to a Killer Presentation - pt. 3Energy Management

Did you miss Part 1? CLICK HERE

Did you miss Part 2? CLICK HERE

We’ve talked about knowing your content and about your physical presence. The final key to be discussed for a killer presentation is energy management. I’m sure you’ve experienced the presenter who knows the material very well and is composed and professional but talks like a drone or displays a median level of energy that never changes. This can be killer in a presentation – and I don’t mean killer like in the title. It is another way to cause your listeners to tune you out, thereby not receiving your message.

It’s easy to vary your energy and mix it up. Look over your material and find a few spots where you could increase your pace a little bit, as well as find a few moments where you might slow down for emphasis. A strategic pause here or there is a great way to spice up the energy flow. Tone and volume can also be used in your favor. Is there an opportunity to be softer for a sentence ender? Louder is easy. Find a place or two to get louder without shouting. Unless the message is somber or very serious in nature, most importantly remember to smile every once in a while.

Variety is the key. A subtle change in energy every few minutes or when appropriate will act as a constant interrupter to the desensitizing dragon, whose goal is to distract and disengage your audience. Infuse your presentation with a shot of energy every now and then. A little periodic pulse of energy keeps the audience with you like a pacemaker does the heart. Change the frequency, intensity and regularity so even this won’t become monotonous.
And if necessary, get out those paddles, rub them together, yell “CLEAR!” and jolt your audience with a burst of new or changed energy. Of course I mean all that figuratively. You want a killer presentation, not 10 years in Folsom.

With these three keys at your disposal – Content, Physical Presence and Energy Management, you can make any presentation work. If you are lacking in two or more areas, you've got your work cut out for you and your chances for a successful presentation are diminished, no matter how compelling your topic or story is and no matter how charismatic you are. The best news is that if your presentation is lacking in one area or another, you can still be successful. If the content of your presentation is especially compelling or dramatic, it probably doesn’t matter if you’re slouching, and energy management is more organic. Most often the case, though, is the material or content is not necessarily gold in your pocket. In many business or corporate situations, the need is to disseminate information – not necessarily information your audience is eager for and interested in, but information they need to absorb nonetheless. In these situations, how you deliver the information is crucial. Keep it moving, adjust the way and where you stand. Play with louder, softer, faster, slower. You'll find you can still be successful, and your friends and co-workers will actually talk to you when you go to Chili's after work.

3 Steps to a Killer Presentation - Pt. 2Physical Presence

Did you miss Part 1? CLICK HERE

The second key to be considered for a killer presentation is Physical Presence.  How do you stand?  How do you move?  Do you move at all?  How do you carry yourself.  Some people are blessed with a beautiful countenance, handsome chiseled features, fair skin, evenly proportioned bodies... I'm not one of them.  If you have that working for you - good for you.  If you have a natural charisma that is splendid too.  If you don't, does that mean you are doomed to failure in public speaking?  Certainly not!  But there are some things you should and can do build and strengthen your public speaking persona.

The biggest challenge people face is the ability to merely stand in front of an audience with confidence.  If you are an individual with low self-confidence or low self-esteem, then certainly and unfortunately you have your work cut out for you.  You will have to want to change this about yourself, and if you are able to take that step, I recommend you take an improv class to help you do it, like those taught at the SAK Comedy Lab in Orlando, Florida. 

Improv classes are not just for those who want to perform improv.  They can be beneficial to anyone.  They will help you build the foundation necessary to stand in front of people, vulnerable to the extent that all eyes (and ears) will be on you, and you hope to look professional and presentable.

The problem of stage fright is not really fear of the stage - it is fear of failure in one form or another - failure in how you look; how you speak; the integrity of the message or information you are delivering; or failure in the eyes of those for whom you are delivering the message.  Granted, that's a lot of pressure, but imagine if you were guaranteed that every person watching or listening to you would think you look spectacular; if every word out of your mouth were true, eloquent, encouraging and spot on; if those who you represent will raise a glass to you and your successful presentation upon your return.  Would you feel nervous or frightful then?  I doubt it.  But unfortunately, that's not our world is it?  So we hedge our bets wherever we can.  When you learn improv, you actually learn to embrace failure - it's the way improvisers learn to push themselves to their full potential.  The same is true for athletes.  When training with weights, it's the entire goal of the workout - to work the muscle to failure, so that when it heals, it rebuilds stronger so that you have more potential.  The same thing happens in improv class to help strengthen you with your confidence and physical presence.  And as a bonus, you now live your life with less fear of failure, and if and when you do fail, (you will - we all do one time or another), you have skills and the presence to recover quickly and move on.

If you are lucky to have a healthy level of self-confidence, you are well ahead of the game, but there are still a few things you can consider to help you even more.  Here are several quick tips.  To see what you might need, video yourself making your presentation.  If you don't have a presentation ready, simply recite the Pledge of Allegiance as if you were declaring your allegiance to the flag before a group.
Stand Straight, Stand Tall - Just like your mother used to tell you.  Don't slouch.  Standing straight and tall shows confidence and strength.  Are you sitting on a chair, couch or stool for your presentation?  (Panels are often set up this way).  Simple adjustment, and once again channel your mother or grade school teacher: Sit up straight.  Ever notice on talk shows how the guests sit?  They sit up straight and to help them they sometimes sit toward the front edge of the seat.  Try it.
Stand Still - Constant movement can be very distracting.  The end result of distractions of any kind is; you lose your audience.  Do you constantly shift weight from one foot to the other?  Quit it.  If you are a pacer, (I am), you want to make sure you are not doing it too much where it becomes a distraction.
Move Around - Does this seem like a direct contradiction to the previous tip?  Possibly, but beware the trap of standing in one place the entire time.  This can also desensitize your audience and once again you run the risk of losing them.  Strategic movement throughout your presentation will help keep it active and flowing.  Especially consider some movement if you find yourself gripping the podium.  This is a sign of stress and the movement might help keep you relaxed.  If you are on a wireless microphone or lavaliere mic, (or have no mic at all), consider all the movement choices available to you.  You have 3 planes of movement.  Yes, you are 3 dimensional.  You can move left or right, up and down, forward and backward.  Once again, you do not want to be in constant movement, but limited and strategic movement can benefit you and make your presentation more powerful
Smile - Don't forget to smile.  You don't have to smile incessantly, just bear in mind that your expression and countenance can greatly or adversely affect your delivery.  Especially be aware not to get too serious in your delivery.  Maybe a better tip is: Don't frown.  Some say smiling requires fewer muscles than frowning.  Who knows if that's true but I do know from experience a dour expression from someone speaking to me does not feel as nice as a pleasant expression.  Usually the tightening of the facial muscles is simply the result of feeling stressed.  So if you notice it in yourself you can choose to relax a bit.  Furthermore, if you are conscious about smiling (or at least choosing a pleasant expression), you will automatically relax yourself.
Breathe - Breathing is a great way to allow yourself to relax and minimize some stress on your body.  Look for breaks in your presentation where you can take in a deep breath or two.  Perhaps when you say something funny, breath while they laugh; or while they are looking at a visual aid you present.
Breath Support - This is different than breathing, or breathing deep, but is connected.  Any actor will tell you the importance of breathing from your diaphragm to aid in speaking.  If you feel strain in your voice or your throat hurts you are probably supporting your speaking from your upper chest and neck.  This is very hard on your body and if you present often you know how easily it can lead to loss of voice and laryngitis.  Fully supported breathing sounds stronger and more resilient.  Strained voice and breathing can weaken your message.  To breathe from your diaphragm is a learned skill.  I suggest you look it up on the internet.  Go to Google or YouTube and search "breathing from your diaphragm." I guarantee you'll find plenty of information about it.
Tics, Quirks and Um... - Some of these are controllable and some are not so much.  At least you should be aware of any of these, physical or verbal, that you might want to look at.  These can be heavy distractions and can easily desensitize your audience, thereby limiting the effectiveness of your message.  Some of these can be minimized or controlled simply by being aware of them.  Many people who say "um" or "uh" a lot, don't even know they're saying it so much.  For many it is a go to "filler" when speaking in public - it covers while they review the next point or see what comes next.  Even our president Barack Obama has a noticeable "ah" stutter in his speech pattern.  The cast of SNL knows this very well and relies on it heavily for their Obama impersonations.  The key is to be aware of it and work on controlling it if you can.  Fortunately for President Obama, he has much strength in the other areas discussed here that balance out and minimize the impact of the speech problem.

There may be other things to consider as well, but attention to these listed will improve your presentation skills immensely, possibly exponentially.

Next installment: Part 3 of 3 - Energy Management